Good Afternoon Brothers and Sisters. I am happy to be here today. I am going to start my talk today by introducing our family to you. Jeff grew up in Star Valley, Wyoming and is the 4th of 5 children. I am from Lindon and I am the oldest of 7 children. Jeff and I met at BYU as members of their ballroom dance team and we were blessed to be able to dance around the world and the country for three years as a part of that team. It was a wonderful experience that we are so grateful to have had. Jeff graduated with a bachelors degree in Information Systems and then received his MBA. I graduated with a bachelors degree in Dance. It is hard to believe, but we will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary next summer!
We have three beautiful children. Jared is our sweet 9 year old and he is our little miracle. My pregnancy with him was a difficult one, including 10 weeks of bed rest and many uncertainties of what kind of health issues he would have. Jared was born just 4 weeks early, which was a miracle, as we expected to have to deliver him much earlier than that. When he was born it was discovered that he only had one, sick little kidney. He was in kidney failure and would need a kidney transplant to survive. However, he wouldn’t be big enough for a transplant until around age two. So, we had a sick little baby that we somehow needed to keep growing so that he could receive his gift of life. Nausea is a common side effect of kidney failure and so to keep him growing, he had a feeding tube placed in his stomach and was fed by a pump 24 hours a day for the first three years of his life. He also had club feet and so his first year of life was full of casts and braces. Despite this, he was a sweet baby with such a sweet, wise little spirit. Two days after his second birthday he was listed on the transplant list and just 2 1/2 months later we received the call that we had been waiting for. On December 3, 2007 Jared received his amazing kidney from a deceased donor. We don’t know much about his donor, but a day never goes by that I don’t think of him and the incredible gift that he gave our son. He is about to celebrate his 7th transplant anniversary! Hard to believe! Life has been better with a new kidney, but he has had more challenges to face. He didn’t walk until he was 3 1/2 and it was at that age that we discovered his hearing loss. He still doesn’t eat very well and still has his feeding tube and survives on his formula and his newest love, suckers. Just recently he has been diagnosed with autism. Jared has the cutest, most infectious personality. He loves Angry Birds and if you want to win him over, just have a conversation about Angry Birds and you are good to go.
Alyssa is our beautiful 13 year old daughter. She loves to sing and act and also loves to read. She is creative and kind and very generous. Just as life was starting to calm down a little bit following Jared’s transplant, out of the blue, Alyssa started having seizures when she was eight years old. In a years time she went from having no seizures to having 7 or more seizures every day. Medicine wasn’t working and after much research we decided to take her to the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio for a second opinion. They recommended surgery. Three years ago this December she underwent her first two surgeries in our attempt to get her seizures under control. Unfortunately the first try was unsuccessful and we returned home the day before Christmas with no change in seizure frequency. A year ago we returned for a follow-up in Cleveland and her Drs. still felt like we could help her seizures if we could have a clearer picture of the exact area of her brain that they were coming from. In the two years since our first try a new procedure was available that could better pinpoint that area. In March we returned for two weeks for a surgery that would tell us for sure if another surgery would be possible. Surgery was recommended however, not without a cost. Her seizures were coming from the part of her motor cortex that controlled her right leg. If we removed it, then she would need to relearn to walk and would always have a limp. After much pondering and prayer, Alyssa and Jeff and I decided that a limp would be a small price to pay for a chance at seizure freedom. In May we returned for that surgery. It was a rough surgery and a very difficult recovery, including 6 weeks of inpatient rehab, but she is doing great! She is only having a couple of seizures every 2 months, after having multiple seizures a day for the past 4 years. We have witnessed a miracle!
Tyler is our oldest and just turned 16. His brother and sister adore him and he keeps us laughing. Tyler is a black belt in Taekwondo and is enjoying his first year at Lone Peak. He is an excellent student and a voracious reader. It is not easy to have two siblings with serious medical issues, and he has done a remarkable job handling it all.
As you can see, our lives have been very full these past 9 years. As I was thinking about our assigned topic, which is gratitude, I realized that gratitude has been an important part of my life during some of the most difficult challenges that I have faced. During Alyssa’s first surgery in Cleveland, things didn’t go as well as we had hoped. The first 10 days, Alyssa and I were there alone as we completed all of the pre-surgery testing and exams. Just a couple of days after arriving there, Alyssa got very sick with a bad stomach bug and couldn’t keep anything down, including her seizure medications. Her seizures were relentless. She was not doing well and late one night I ended up taking her to the ER and she was admitted. Because of this, her surgery was pushed back and I was worried that we wouldn’t make it home for Christmas. The day of her surgery finally arrived and after saying good bye to my sweet girl I sat down at my computer in the waiting room and started to write. I look back now at what I wrote that day and instead of being sad, alone, depressed, and discouraged, I wrote in gratitude of the many blessings that we had experienced. This is a little bit of what I wrote that day.
Blessings come in many forms. I have seen so many blessings in my life and I know, without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father knows me and my family. He knows our struggles, he knows our joys, and he always knows when a little blessing will remind me of that. This week has been full of blessings.
1. Alyssa getting sick last week. This is an odd thing to see as a blessing, but it was. Her seizures were so bad. I think that it reminded me and her, that this was the reason why we are here. It is not right for a child to be afraid to sleep, take a bath, or walk. Alyssa was saying every night before this that she was so scared. After being sick, she no longer said that. I know that she was, but I think that she was just so ready to see if her seizures could be helped, that she didn't care anymore.
2. My sister, Erika, coming out. I am so grateful for her leaving her husband and kids behind to come spend some time with us. Alyssa and I were both feeling a little low after she was sick and Erika was the perfect medicine! She came prepared with fun crafts and games and her cheerful personality was just what the Dr. ordered for both of us. We had so much fun with her and we had a nice weekend playing with her. She has a friend that lives here as well and she was kind enough to take us all out into the country for a couple of hours on Friday. It was a nice change of scenery and it was nice to see the beautiful country around Cleveland. Thank you Maria!
3. Erika was here with me when I told Alyssa about her hair being shaved. Alyssa took it amazingly well and she and Erika and I tried on all of the hats that people have sent her. I am still amazed at how well Alyssa took the news. Once again, I think that being sick made her more willing to do anything to help.
4. All of the cards and packages that have been sent to Alyssa! There have been so many people who have taken the time to send cards, hats, blankets, and emails to show their love for my pretty girl. She has loved each and every one!
5. The LDS ward here in Cleveland. They have been so sweet and supportive. They have done airport pick ups, brought us the sacrament, brought a nice meal and gift for Alyssa, and have just kept tabs on us and are so willing to do anything that they can to help. That is one of the most wonderful things about the gospel. No matter where you go you have family! It is so comforting to know that we are never alone!
6. The anesthesiologist for Alyssa's surgery. She was incredible. So kind and patient with Alyssa. When we took her back to the OR the plan was to do a mask sedation. Once we got back there thought, Alyssa really couldn't handle the mask and was getting worried. Some of the residents that were there were kind of pushing and hurrying, but this Dr. got everyone to slow down and was so patient with Alyssa as they put an IV in. Alyssa was getting scared, but this Dr. took the time to make sure that she knew that they were going to do anything they could to help her. Alyssa fell asleep calmly, which is just what we wanted. This Dr. normally works on the cardiac cases, but for some reason she was working on Alyssa's case this day. I don't think that it was coincidence. She was a blessing and I am so grateful that she made Alyssa's experience as good as it could be.
7. The doctor's and staff at the hospital. They are incredible and I know that we are at the right place.
8. The Ronald McDonald House. It is such a nice house and has made the stay so much more pleasant. The meals provided by so many people have been so appreciated, and it is nice to have such a nice place to have as home base. Thank you Ronald McDonald House!
9. Family, neighbors, and friends at home who are helping with my Tyler and my Jared. It is so hard to be away from them for so long, but I know that they are being well taken care of. There are so many people that I can call who would drop anything to help. We couldn't do it without their help.
10. My amazing husband! He is coming tonight and Alyssa and I are so ready to have him here with us for a few days. He has manned things at home and has done such an incredible job at home with the boys. What would I do without my partner in crime? I love him so much and am so grateful that he will be here soon!
11. All of the many prayers that have been said on our behalf. I have felt such an amazing sense of peace and Alyssa has been remarkably calm though all of this as well. Prayers are answered! Thank you!
12. My Alyssa is such a blessing. She has amazed me with her ability to handle all of this. I don't even know how to explain the strength that I see in her. She is so beautiful inside and out and her spirit radiates from her! How I wish that I could take all of this away from her! I can't even imagine the pain and fear that she has felt, but she handles it with such strength and grace. She is very quiet right now. She tends to kind of shut down when she is in the hospital, plus she just doesn't feel well. I can't wait until she is feeling well enough to start singing again. I love hearing her beautiful, sweet, pure voice!
I will not deny that this is very difficult. I knew that it would be, but I don't think that you are ever prepared to see your child hurt and suffer. Alyssa is now back in the epilepsy monitoring unit and she has already had 3 seizures since they started her monitoring. She is so tired and the seizures make it hard for her to sleep, but right now we want those seizures to come so we can get the information we need and hopefully have a plan and make it home in time for Christmas. They changed her bandage this afternoon. The incision is huge! She is going to have quite the battle scar to show off! It was the first time that I saw her beautiful head, bald. She was born with tons of dark, black hair and so even as a baby I never saw her bald. She was stunning! Her beautiful face and her bright blue eyes are astounding, but it is her spirit that radiates from her face that is most beautiful. Why I have been chosen to be the mother of these beautiful children, I will never understand as they are teaching me more than I will ever be able to teach them. The blessings continue to come and I am so grateful for each and every one.
Now, I don’t share this experience to brag or to say, “wow, look at me, I handled that so well.” I actually don’t even remember consciously making the decision to write in gratitude that day, but my spirit knew that a list of gratitude would help me more than anything else at that time.
President Uchtdorf in his talk from the April 2014 General Conference titled, Grateful in any Circumstances, said this:
“Everyone’s situation is different, and the details of each life are unique. Nevertheless, I have learned that there is something that would take away the bitterness that may come into our lives. There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious.
We can be grateful!
It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world to suggest that one who is burdened with sorrow should give thanks to God. But those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace, and understanding.”
What an amazing promise that is! We have a friend who is a PHd in psychology and teaches at BYU. He is an expert in working with soldiers who are experiencing post traumatic stress disorder and is beginning a study on how gratitude affects resilience in these soldiers.
“resiliency is identified as a personal trait of the individual that permits adaptive coping, the ability to survive and sometimes even to thrive, in the face of adverse circumstances. Such adaptation can minimally represent a lack of pathological symptoms when such symptoms would be expected or, at the more highly adaptive end of the spectrum,resiliency may also include post-traumatic growth, in which the person's quality of life is actually improved after having survived adverse circumstances.”
As I have been studying this correlation between gratitude and resiliency, I have read countless studies that have shown that gratitude can help in times of stress. There was one study that was done that put patients into three different groups. The first group was given no treatment. The second group was asked to write down 8 things that they were grateful for each day, and the third group was given the standard therapeutic treatment. At the end of the treatment period the non-treatment group showed no improvement, but the group doing the gratitude lists showed just as much improvement in their well-being as those involved in the more intense therapy. As a result of this study and many others, some in the psychology field are suggesting that interventions to increase gratitude are effective in improving well-being. And some have been widely promoting this as being the most successful positive psychology intervention, and one that should be used widely, perhaps even on a national scale.
Another study done on those affected by the 9-11 attacks have lead one researcher to state this:
“some people may gain some benefit from overcoming trauma (“post-traumatic growth”). ....There is a suggestion that gratitude may be integral to this process. People's recovery from the traumatic experience is influenced by the extent to which they are able to find some benefit in the experience and people frequently report having a higher level of well-being and functioning compared to before the trauma (Joseph & Linley, 2005). In reporting the kinds of benefits they have encountered, people regularly report such changes as “living life to the full”, greater appreciation of family and friends, and valuing each day more, partially through appreciation of the finiteness of life, and partially through appreciation of how they are better off than other people. Such changes seem remarkably described by a life orientation towards noticing and appreciating the positive in life, incorporating several of the facets of gratitude” Wood, A. M., et al., Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration, Clinical Psychology Review (2010)
We hear stories all of the time of people who have managed to escape difficult experiences with an “attitude of gratitude” as President Monson calls it. Soldiers, cancer patients, nazi concentration camp survivors, prisoners of war. And then the scriptures are full of stories. Nephi, Job, the pioneers as they crossed the plains, Joseph Smith. All of these people were able to express gratitude in the midst of their struggles.
In Alma 34:38 we are commanded to “live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you” and in D&C 59:7 it says “Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things.” It doesn’t say that we should thank him just when things are going well. It says that we should thank him “in all things.”
So, how do we do this? How can we be grateful “in all things?” Even during our greatest sorrows and challenges? Last week in Relief Society I taught the Joseph Fielding Smith lesson on Prayer. President Smith taught us that we should make the spirit of prayer “part of our very being.” and told us that we should “be careful to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude.” It seems like these two commandments go hand in hand. If we make prayer a “part of our very being” and if in those prayers, we are consciously expressing gratitude then it makes sense to me that gratitude also becomes a “part of our very being.” And then, if gratitude is therefore a “part of our very being” in times of calm and peace, then hopefully those habits, and that thankful attitude will be present in our difficult times as well. President Uchtdorf, in this same talk, then says this: “This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer.”
During this season of Thanksgiving I challenge all of us to analyze if, in our own lives ,prayer and thanksgiving are becoming a “part of our very being” . A couple of days ago, as I was discussing these thoughts with Jeff, Alyssa overheard our conversation. My sweet daughter, who is wise beyond her years, enthusiastically said, “It’s true! We can be more grateful during challenging times!” She said that while she was in the hospital following her surgery in May that even though she couldn’t move her leg and things were hard, that she kept thinking of all the things that she was grateful for. She then said that she didn’t think that Heavenly Father gave us hard things to go through just for fun, but that he gave them to us to learn. Alyssa is developing the type of gratitude that we should all strive for. Gratitude that can be found even during our darkest times.
I am so grateful for the gospel. For the truths that we are taught long before the “scientific” world discovers them. I am grateful for my family. For my husband that would do anything for his family and who honors his priesthood. For my beautiful children who have provided me with so many opportunities to learn and grow and who are teaching me what true joy is. For parents who taught me to love the gospel and to see the good in the world. I am grateful for the this ward! It was hard to leave a ward that we had been a part of for 15 years. They had experienced our struggles and rejoicings right along with us, but we knew that it was time for us to move and we were supposed to move here! My heart feels that we are where we should be and you have welcomed us with open arms. Thank you for bringing meals when Alyssa and I were back in the hospital in June. Thank you for introducing yourselves and inviting us to different activities and into your homes. Thank you for accepting my children. Tyler and Alyssa have told me that they feel more comfortable with the youth in this ward after just a few months, then they ever did in our last ward. Thank you for your testimonies and examples of love and righteousness. There are so many of you that I have not met yet and I look forward to learning from you and from the experiences that you have learned from. I am especially grateful for this life! For the joys and the sorrows, for the triumphs and the sorrows. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows who I can become and challenges me to grow. Who does not leave us here to face mortal life without his help. And I am so incredibly grateful for our Savior. He who suffered all so that we may return to live with him again. This I say, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
